Chore Time: Shoulder-to-Shoulder



My husband loves it when I do chores with him.  Actually, I love it when I do chores with him.  It’s time spent in his world, on his turf and his time.  I’m basically just there to show my support with my physical presence, something I’ve learned speaks WAY louder than any words ever could. 

Though I’d like to ask lots of questions, I don’t.  I keep quiet and just watch, following along as I observe all the ways he cares for our livestock.  No wonder he likes to be here with his cows; each one calls to him as she spots his cowboy hat on the horizon. And when they hear his voice, they all come running; I know there could be no other Welcome Wagon in the world that means more to him than this. 

A part of my brain tells me I’ve got better things to tend to, yet my heart knows this shoulder-to-shoulder time doing chores is valuable to my husband.  Sometimes as we look over the herd, he tells me his thoughts and concerns; other times he shares some insight into why a particular steer is hanging back or has drooping ears.  Here is where I get to learn things about my husband that I would otherwise miss.  And here is where I’ve discovered that my husband spells love like this:  “T-I-M-E.”

Now WE’RE Cookin’,

Chef Alli

We Miss You, Max

It doesn't seem possible that you've been gone from our family for one full year now.  I am still sick over what happened to you and I'll never understand how someone could take a fat, little dog out of a trap and just lay you on the ground to leave you for dead; it breaks my heart to think of it.  If only we had found you sooner! I am certain you would have "scrapped" your way back to us - that was always your style. 

Yes, Max, you were sometimes a total pain in the rear, but we still laugh when we think about all the times you'd bark at nothing out in the pasture just to get Red going, and the time that you buried yourself in the base of that big tree down by the creek as you dug your way inside to get to those coons that had made it their home. I miss you the most when I go walking - it's just not the same without you behind me, herding me along, all the way to the corner and back. 

Our Maxie-Girl, AKA One-Eyed Sally

Each of us has a story and I always thought that your story was one of the best.  You came to us missing an eye and since you were in such a sad condition when the boys found you, we assumed you'd been injured. But once we got you to the vet, we learned that you were actually born with just one eye, a common birth defect with the Sheltie breed and also, most likely, why some heartless idiot dumped you out. 

I wasn't there when the boys found you in that cornfield, but they told me later how you ran straight to Miles and LEAPED into his arms.  Big Daddy Patty still says they brought you home with the intention of taking you to the pound, but I never believed that for a minute.  Once we got all those stick-tights out of your coat and gave you a bath, it was amazing how much you looked just like the dog from The Grinch; and though we often called you One-Eyed Sally, Max was the perfect name for you. 

We miss you, Max, but we're thankful for the time you were here with us - you will ALWAYS be a part of our family.  

Mom Knows Best: 20 Steps to Success

I doubt that my Mom remembers giving me this list; I keep it taped to the inside of my cupboard door so I often see it when I'm searching for ingredients in the kitchen.  

#4 on this list definitely describes my Mom, Jeaneane;
I'm thankful she's my cheer leader. 

1.  Marry the right person.  This one decision will determine 90% of your happiness or misery.   

2.  Work at something you enjoy that is worthy of your time and talent.

3.  Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

4.  Become the most positive and enthusiastic person you know.

5.  Be forgiving of yourself and others.

6.  Be generous.

7.  Have a grateful heart.

8.  Persistence, Persistence, Persistence!

9.  Discipline yourself to save money on even the most modest salary.

10.  Treat everyone you meet like you want to be treated.

11.  Commit yourself to constant improvement.

12.  Commit yourself to quality.

13.  Understand that happiness is not based on possessions. power, or prestige, but on relationships with people you love and respect.

14.  Be loyal.

15.  Be a self-starter.

16.  Be decisive even if it means you will sometimes be wrong.

17.  Stop blaming others.  Take responsibility for every are of your life.

18.  Be bold and courageous.  When you look back on your life, you'll regret the things that you didn't do more than the one you did.

19.  Take care of your family and say I LOVE YOU.

20.  Don't do anything your mother wouldn't be proud of!

Thanks, Mom!

Now You're Cookin',
Chef Alli

Shoulder-to-Shoulder: Why Cooking Together is Good For Your Marriage.

To me, it doesn't matter how large or small a kitchen is, it’s a One-Butt Kitchen, and there’s only room for one butt:  MINE.  And though I've not been good at sharing my kitchen space in the past, I’m turning over a new leaf. The kitchen is a powerful place! The tastes, sights, sounds, and scents that erupt from this place we call the Heart of the Home definitely impact the senses. What better way to draw your husband in?

Here are 3 good reasons to get cookin’:

1.   Interactive cooking is fun and romantic

Improving your skills and learning together in the kitchen can make for one delicious and engaging evening. I can think of no greater aphrodisiac than seeing my husband helping me create dinner.  Adding a glass of wine, good music, and maybe a waltz around the kitchen brings even more relaxation with each other.  There’s only one rule: serious conversations are kept for another day – this is our special time together and the focus is US.

2.   A key ingredient:  pre-planned alone time

How often do you and your husband enjoy a regularly planned date night?  Yep, spontaneity is great, but if we don’t make date night a scheduled priority, it simply won’t happen.  Call a sitter or Grandma, or plan to cook once the kiddos are tucked into bed.  Creating an experience that allows you alone time together without distractions and interruptions lets you really connect, and it feels good to make each other a priority above all else.  

3.   Cooking together promotes teamwork

And what guy doesn't like being part of a team? Think about it; guys rarely do leisurely things together that are considered face-to-face. Team sports, hunting, watching TV – these are all activities guys enjoy and they do them shoulder-to-shoulder, with little conversation.

In his best-selling book, Love and Respect, Dr. Emerson Eggerichs says this “Men communicate by sharing experiences.  Women share experiences by talking about them to each other, examining them and infusing the experiences with their impressions and emotions.  Men are different.  They share their experiences by sharing an activity.  This is what your husband wants to do with you.”  Keep this in mind when you first invite your husband into the kitchen to cook with you; simply enjoy being by his side as you work together towards a gratifying common goal:  DINNER.

Here’s to some SIZZLE in your sauté pan!

Now You’re Cookin’,

Chef Alli 

Wyatt's Ice Cream Cake

Smilin' Wyatt, The Cake Walk Kid

How can it be possible that our youngest son is turning 15 already?  I remember the morning he was born like it was yesterday.  Talk about a cake walk.  Wyatt's birth was a planned C-section and before I knew it he was a bundle in my arms and it wasn't even noon yet.  The biggest catastrophe of the entire event was during surgery prep when Big Daddy Patty saw a needle and a little bit of blood. I remember hearing the nurses say "Get the Dad, get the Dad!" when they realized that he was about to pass out, but it was too late - Big Daddy Patty was down for the count.  (He says his surgical mask was snugged up a little too tight and he couldn't get enough air. Yea, right....)

  

Wyatt came out of the womb smiling and he's never stopped.  People have been drawn to him his entire life and we have always marveled at that. He's always been kind and genuine, a kid who's comfortable in his own skin, with a persona much like Opie Taylor on the Andy Griffith Show, even in looks.  This year when Wyatt decided to try his hand at wrestling, it was neat to see him jump up from his match, always with a smile on his face, win or lose.  All of us in the stands would watch for that signature smile because it just made you feel good.

RVMS Wrestling

Below is the recipe for Wyatt's favorite B-Day Cake - we hope you enjoy it as much as he does.

Ice Cream Sandwich Cake

½ cup fudge ice cream topping, warmed

1 tub (8 oz) frozen whipped topping, thawed

1 pkg. (4 serving size) chocolate instant pudding

8 chocolate sandwich cookies (Oreos or the like)

12 vanilla ice cream sandwiches

Pour the fudge topping into a medium mixing bowl; whisk in 1 cup whipping topping until mixture is well blended.  Add dry pudding mix; stir for 1 minute or until very well blended.  (If fudge topping mixture is too thick to spread easily, stir in ¼ cup milk.) Chop cookies roughly into chunks; stir into pudding mixture. 

Place 4 of the ice cream sandwiches side by side on a large sheet of foil; top with half of pudding mixture.  Repeat the layers.  Top the pudding mixture with the remaining 4 ice cream sandwiches.  Frost the top and sides with the remaining whipped topping.  It doesn’t have to look perfect!  Bring foil up around sides of cakes, loosely sealing at the top to make a packet.  Freeze at least 4 hours before serving. 

To serve, let cake stand at room temperature to soften slightly before serving.  Slice through layers into fat slices to serve.  Store leftover cake in the freezer.

Serves 10-12

Now You're Cookin',

Chef Alli



Lattice-Top Cherry Pie: Marjorye Savage Heeney Cooks with Chef Alli

There was no hesitation.  When I asked Marje to be my cooking partner for a WIBW Culinary Segment, she let me know right up front she wanted to make a cherry pie.  That was no surprise - I've known Marje my entire life and it seems as though she has always known what she's wanted and how to pursue it with passion.  

I often run across Marje in the produce section of Hy-Vee Topeka as she's shopping for fruits and veggies, trying her best to keep her diet healthy.  Sometimes I can only see the feather in her hat as it moves along the top of the case, letting me know its Marje shopping on the other side.  I look forward to visiting with Marje because she brightens my day, always encouraging me with a good word.  And, I must admit, I'm always curious to see which hat it is that Marje has chosen to wear for the day - this is her Topeka trademark and each hat is unique, very fitting of her wonderful, adventurous spirit.   

Marje, thanks for joining me in the kitchen - I'm glad we could figure out the lattice top together on that "cheater" cherry pie!  For those of you wondering, we called it a ccp (cheater cherry pie) because we simply used canned cherry pie filling with a little added almond extract and pastry crust straight from the a box! No recipe, few ingredients, fast fixin's!

Now You're Cookin',

Chef Alli

Thanks, Mom!

Her card reads “I am so blessed by you guys. Let us show our thankfulness each day, not just today. And may we savor our love for another just as we savor the delicious food on our Thanksgiving table. May we also laugh and love a lot! Thank you all. Love, Mom”. That is SOOO my Mom, always positive and appreciative, always so good at making everyone feel special.

Here’s how it works: if I placed the two of you together (it could be anywhere – waiting in line, grocery shopping, the coffee shop, Chiefs Stadium – the location doesn’t matter) within five minutes my Mom would know everything about you, including your most accomplished feats and discouraging struggles. And you would then be standing there with this funny look on your face, amazed at how this little woman got you to share not only your life story, but also your inner most thoughts and feelings! I have seen it take place more times than I can count, and it happens simply because she takes the time to ask. Once you begin that conversation, you realize without a doubt, that she truly cares about what you have to say; for those five minutes, you feel like the most important person in the entire world.

So on behalf of my Mom, I’m challenging you (along with myself!) this holiday season. In the midst of all the craziness, let’s see if we can take the time to make everyone around us feel like we truly care. As we welcome our friends and relatives into our homes on Thanksgiving, can we remember that it’s really NOT all about the food? Can we create special havens for our guests where they will find hospitality and warmth as we take a few extra moments to dote over them? Can we allow them to feel useful as we include them in our dinner preparations in the kitchen? As we pass the turkey and cranberry sauce, can we set our differences aside and give thanks for ALL who sit around our table?  It all begins with you and me – our actions make all the difference.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Now You’re Cookin’,

Chef Alli

Brown Gravy

This year won't be an ideal Mother's Day for my Mom. Though her children love her more than we could possibly express, she has a broken heart that we cannot fix. She is watching the love of her life go through the final stages of cancer. I know without asking that my Mom is privately wondering how many more days she has in my Dad's company. Though she rarely shows it, I know that she is quietly grieving because her husband of 49 years lies in a hospital bed that we have set up in her guest room. I also know that she is coming to grips with the fact that life as she knows it will never be the same - we simply can't go back.

Mom bravely sets her saddness aside as she cares for my Dad. No matter how grueling it is as his constant caregiver, she shows him a cheerful smile at all times and offers encouraging words to comfort him, though Dad can barely hear her due to acute hearing loss in these last days. For some reason, it makes me profoundly happy to see that she still tries to get him to eat, not much at this point, just simple things that might bring him comfort. They still share a cup of coffee each morning in his room, though Dad's is served spoon-style, sip by sip.



Today I found a lone saucepan sitting on Mom's stove top and I asked what it contained. "It's gravy, silly." she said. "Your Dad wanted mashed potatoes and gravy today." I smiled. The brown gravy in that saucepan became the most precious thing in the world to me at that moment. Good food is such a wonderful source of comfort, no matter the situation; it helps us make our way over life's inevitable rough spots. And sometimes when we can't communicate as effectively as we'd like, for whatever reason, food helps us nurture the connections we are in fear of losing; it becomes the voice to our grief, allowing us to care for those we love most. Food becomes our universal language of love.



As you spend time with Mom this Mother's Day, remember not only to cherish your time together but to appreciate her for all she brings into your life. Abraham Lincoln's quote "All that I am or hope to be, I owe to my Mother." rings true for me as well. Without you, Mom, I wouldn't be the woman I am today. Your servant's heart is my inspiration and your brown gravy a precious gift. Thanks, Mom.


Note: I wrote this article last year for TMI magazine. Since that time, we have nearly made it through one year of "firsts" without my Dad. He passed away on May 21, 2009 and I know there has barely been a moment that Mom hasn't thought of him. She is still grieving deeply, but takes each day as a new one and is bravely moving forward in this journey without Dad. I am always happy that she is quick to offer us homemade cookies or a new dessert she's just baked when we visit. She finds comfort in baking for us and it's a love language my family treasures at Grandma's house.